Joe Millionaire, Final Episode: The Aftermath

Posted on February 24, 2003

Well, it's finally over. But I think the producers made a mistake. The last episode really had the perfect ending: Zora Andrich in a beautiful dress and Evan Marriot in a tuxedo, dancing in the ballroom, while the music swells and butler Paul Hogan looks on approvingly. From a dramatic standpoint, that really should have been the end, allowing the audience to believe that they lived happily ever after. Tonight's episode, entitled "The Aftermath" really should really have been titled "The Anticlimax."

In tonight's episode, butler Paul Hogan first tells us that Evan and Zora have not been allowed to see each other since November, and wondered aloud if the absence would make their hearts grow fonder or not. (Not, is what I'm guessing.) Then Paul sends us over to watch the rejected contestants (minus Sarah, of course) view the last episode, in which Evan chose Zora. This segment had a pajama party air about it, as the girls ooohed, aahed and screamed with laughter as Evan confessed that he does not have fifty million dollars in his bank account. They all cheered when Zora won and laughed heartily when Evan told Sarah he wasn't wealthy. But when Sarah asked if (his wealth) was something he thought she would be concerned with, and Evan rudely blurts out "I haven't chosen you," there was silence in the room, as each girl seemed to realize that it wasn't much fun to be summarily dumped by a construction worker on national television. Physician Kate noted, "I think [Zora] could do a lot better." Alison said, "all the lies that came from that man made me want to drop him like a bad habit." But all cynicism seemed to fade away as the group watched the fairytale ending in the ballroom. "It was absolutely beautiful," sighed Mojo, "but will she think he's a toad after seeing this episode?"

We next get a segment about all the guys who auditioned for the part of Joe Millionaire. He had to be "charming, good looking and broke," says the producer of the show. Some of the guys that auditioned were such gems, it's hard to imagine why they weren't picked. When asked what they most valued in a woman, one replied, "A nice rack --- we all want it." Another succinctly replied, "a nice ass." But Evan said, "I won't throw a line to get a girl," -- and he seemed sincere. Compared to the other guys, Evan Marriot must have seemed like a real dream come true to the producers, who nearly cancelled the show because of the trouble of finding the right male lead. And Evan certainly was broke (all the other handsome guys had money and so were ineligible, the producer sadly informs us.)

After brief solo interviews, first with Evan and then with Zora, in which neither party says anthing of interest or note whatsoever, we finally get to the meat of the program: the reunion! Evan walks into the room where Zora is having her tete a tete with producer Mark Walberg, and the two hug. They sit on the couch and answer a few questions from Walberg. They both talked about The Globe spread of their alleged wedding and how weird that was to see. (Evan mistakenly said it was in the Enquirer). But then something funny happened. Zora said she had gotten "like 25 emails this morning, all saying, 'Mrs. Marriot?'" At the mention of the "M" word, Even nearly falls off the sofa and his eyes widen like saucers. (Remember how freaked out he was when Mojo put the "M" word in her poem?) Walberg then asked them what was the highlight of all the dates, to which they replied "answering the call of nature in the woods." And they didn't mean making out -- they meant going to the bathroom. "We were on horseback and really far away from the chateau -- and hey -- when you gotta go, you gotta go," explained Evan. "Other than peeing in the woods, was there anything else you enjoyed?" asked Walberg. "Well, being in the most wonderful show on TV was great," said Evan. When asked what was going to happen next in their relationship, Evan said they were going to spend some time together without any cameras and just see what happened. The last shot was of Evan and Zora, not holding hands, taking a walk to parts unknown.

So, unlike the last show, this episode ended with a giant anticlimax. Evan and Zora certainly don't look like they are in love -- far from it, although Zora seemed intrigued with the idea of people asking if she was going to be Mrs. Marriot after tonight's episode. (Evan looked horrified). I'm not sure that Zora quite understands the kind of life Evan has been leading the last month or so. He's been ensconced in a suite at a hotel in Los Angeles, living the jet set life. He's been spotted at the Superbowl, fashion shows, night clubs and the Daredevil movie premiere: he goes out every night, and reportedly has been passing out his phone number to quite a number of lovely ladies. In an interview in People magazine, Evan talks about his new Mercedes Benz and showed the impatience he felt for Zora when she refused to believe she was getting a half million dollar check. "I almost got mad and just said, 'Look, you've just been offered half a million dollars. Why don't you snap out of it and realize what's going on?'" Ouch. For her part, Andrich commented to People, "Is it possible to find true love in just a month with someone? ....I am a true believer in possibility. I never rule out anything. But honestly, I think it would be highly unlikely. The chances of it are pretty slim."

So there it is, folks: a fairytale with a modern ending. But don't despair. There's more reality television coming your way. According to a recent article by Bill Carter in the New York Times, the networks are getting ready to bombard the airwaves with no less than twenty-four new reality shows this summer: from Roseanne, in which we follow the comedienne as she pitches a cooking show to the networks and looks for love on an online dating service, to The Will, in which a wealthy person puts potential heirs through a series of humiliating and dangerous tests, to The Simple Life, in which Hilton hotels heiress Paris Hilton goes to live on a farm, recreating the the old sitcom Green Acres. With so much reality fare coming our way, it seems unlikely that Evan Marriot and Zora Andrich will even merit a blip on the publicity radar by fall: their 15 minutes will be up.